Relapse

I am in that mood again
Causing myself unwanted pain
Letting my mind wonder down dark lanes 
Where the truths and facts are clouded, not plain


Should I have continued on the designated path
Everything would have been just fine
Would not have to decipher any codes
Or read any messages in the bones


Everyday, I stand and wonder what the future holds
And on that same day I watch as it passes me by
How can I bare this pain of constantly standing on the sidelines
Watching as everybody else live their precious lives


How am I to be glad for them when I am paining inside?
Put on a smile and pretend that everything is alright
It is all good, can't you see how genuine my smile is 
Never mind that the light of it does not reach my eyes


I told you I am fine, why do you keep looking at me
Do not worry, they are tears of joy, I am joyful because the world is so beautiful
No, I am not sobbing, I am exclaiming in amazement 
Why would you think that I am trembling, I am shaking with excitement


Written May 25th, 2012
By Jaydon N. Foster